I had a video call catch up with a friend of mine in a different country. I don't get to chat with her much because of both the physical distance and the time difference, and the fact that we just have different lives and don't make the time to catch up. So it's nice when we finally get to.
The very first thing she asked when the video came on was "Are you still doing that Crossfit thing?". I could see the video that she was looking at. Me. My face lite up with the camera light and sort of glowing. There was no evidence of my summer tan in the glaring light. There weren't any shadows. It was all my big round face on her screen. She wasn't asking if I was still doing Crossfit. She was asking why I'm fat again. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt until she said some other things that didn't fit. And I know her. She was trying to ask in a "nice" way.
I am still "doing the Crossfit thing". I am still in a stupid slump. I feel bad about myself. I'm not putting myself on the schedule for the whole week on Sunday night like I used to. I'm checking the WOD first and then deciding if I can do it without embarrassing myself.
Last week, I hurt my shoulder <again> and the pain transferred to my neck. I had a crick in my neck for three days. I won't go into details, but I also missed my Monday workout this week because of lady issues that worsened as soon as I turned 40. Someday, maybe I'll go into details about that so you can decide if you want to read that or skip the blog post all together. So I've had a week off of the gym. I hate that. The WOD yesterday KILLED me. Or, at least, I'd wished it had for awhile. I was the only person to show up for the workout and I'm so glad, because I suffered hard and it was very embarrassing.
I CAN change all of these things. I can plan ahead and make it to the gym whether the WOD sucks or not. I can work harder. I can eat better. What I can't do, it seems, is figure out why I don't actually do the things I can do.
