I needed the push

I needed a push yesterday.  And I got one.

I've been a little concerned that my coaches have given up on me.  I've been going to my gym since it opened 4 years ago.  I did GREAT at first.  I had no where to go but up.  I couldn't two foot jump onto a one inch plate.  I couldn't hang from the bar for 6 seconds.  So I've made improvements for sure.  In four years.  I think we all hope for more. 

When I read comments from them, I don't read cheerful "you can do it, and we are behind you", anymore.  Though, that is the danger of reading the comments and not hearing them.  Interpreting texts and social media comments isn't easy for people with the kind of imagination that I have I guess.  Especially when I'm in a funk. 

It's documented in this blog already, that I have backslid a lot over the last year.  I've lost fitness I worked hard to gain.  I've been concerned that I've let my coaches down.  Which might be true, but it's more true that I've let myself down.   They are still giving me (and everyone) all the opportunity to improve.

Yesterday I hit a PR on three rep max strict press.  So I'm still making gains.  Or maybe I'm making gains once again.  Either way.  That part is back.
The second part of the WOD was an AMRAP with a 50 wall ball buy in.  After the wall balls we had 3 rounds of 12 deadlifts and 12 bar facing burpees.  I was feeling super nervous before the WOD started.  Unreasonably nervous.  I was confused by the nerves.  And then I *could NOT* get a rhythm for wall balls.  I'm generally pretty slow at these, but I don't necessarily have so much trouble.  I couldn't catch the ball properly, which meant I couldn't squat right away and get another one in. Sometimes I couldn't even hit the wall with the ball.  The wall that I'm literally standing 18 inches from.  That means I kept throwing the ball straight up in the air, which I'm sure is way more work. The more frustrated I got the worse it became.  And I was the last to finish wall balls again.   The rest of the WOD was general suck.  Deadlifts aren't too bad, I didn't lift heavy and got through those pretty easily.  But I'm having trouble with burpees again.  Which means I don't do enough of them (please don't tell my coaches that, they will schedule them far more often).  My burpee trouble is two fold.  The first issue is that I'm so easily winded again. And the second is that I can't jump my feet close to my body because my belly is in the way.  So my feet are wide when I jump up.  Still far better than when I started, but for craps sake, I'm better than this).  Both of those things make burpees slow for me.  Then we had to two foot jump over the bar.  Which is fine when I'm not tired, but then I imagine tripping on the bar and falling face first into the rack and knocking out my teeth (it's a real fear).   Anyway, there was no time cap on this WOD, so it was a do it ALL and get it over with situation.  There was no class behind mine, so there was no rush.  And so here I was doing the last round alone, with everyone watching me and calling out my name. It's supportive.  I hate it.  But the coach was next to me counting out my reps for me.  He cheered me on a LOT and didn't let me quit. I wouldn't have quit, but I would have taken a lot longer had he not been there. 

And that made me remember that he hasn't given up on me.  I'm sure that I frustrate him.  But he is still in my corner and wants me to be better.